I walk to the edge of the diving board and look at the swimming pool filled to the brim with bright and colorful plastic balls. I feel the smooth, sturdy surface of the board under my feet; my toes press into it; I test its resiliency with a gentle bounce and bring my arms out to steady myself again. The plastic balls glisten in the sun and look slick; I stand and admire their solid candy-colors and smile, remembering.

     A breeze brushes my cheek and brings with it a faint sound to my ear: the laughter of a child. It is then I see a small arm amidst the plastic balls within the swimming pool; it is laid atop them from elbow to fingertip, a shiny, red ball cupped in its palm. Curious, I move closer to the board’s edge; I lift my hand to shield the sun and strain my eyes to see it properly through the glare. Just then, the arm lifts and flings the red ball at me with force. Startled, I fall backwards onto the board; it wobbles violently underneath me; I catch the borders of it on either side with a tense grip so as not to fall off. The laughter comes again, closer this time; it comes from the ball pit. Once the board reaches equilibrium, I look again to the pool just beyond my bent knees. Where there was once just an arm, there is now a young child – a girl – covered from the waist down. I return to my feet with caution and look to the girl again, who’s familiar face I slowly begin to recognize as Selene Morrigan – my best best friend when I was a young girl. Selene shakes her arm above her head and speaks to me, “Princess Juliet! Princess! Jump in! Come play with me!” She spins in circles and jumps and laughs and throws balls into the air; they catch the sunlight and shimmer. A great gathering sound is made as she moves, like an avalanche of hard-shelled candy. The longer I watch her the wider my smile grows, until my teeth show. I call out to her with one hand cupped to my mouth, “Princess Selene! Your royal highness!” We laugh together and I remember.

     Suddenly, another voice rings out – this time a boy’s voice; the voice challenges me: “You won’t do it!” My head snaps to the edge of the swimming pool where I see my baby brother, alive. “I bet you’re too chicken to jump,” my brother teases; as he says it, he grabs two balls near him – one blue, one green, one in each hand – and chucks them at me in a long, curved arch. I throw my hands up to block them; the green one hits the edge of the diving board and bounces back into the pit; the blue one, I catch. I stick my tongue out at my baby brother and taunt him, “Ha ha! You missed!”; Selene points at him and giggles uncontrollably, covering her mouth with one hand. My baby brother sneers at us and I toss the blue ball up in the air and catch it again. I feel the diving board sway like a see-saw below my feet. I roll the smooth ball between my palms; I bring it to my nose and smell the plastic; I bring it to my ear and squeeze it and listen to its popping sound. I close my eyes and I remember.

     “Well?” I hear, and open my eyes again, blinded by the glare coming off the swimming pool. When my eyes adjust, I see a third figure looking up at me. It is another boy – not my brother – and he is very close to me, right below me, looking up at me from the ball pit. “Well?” he repeats, “are you coming in or not?” I throw the blue ball to him and he catches it with ease. I lower to my knees with care and crawl to the very edge of the diving board; I lean over the edge – both hands gripping it tightly. I look into the eyes of the new boy and see myself reflected in them. It is him; it is my first love. I look him over: his hair is full, his skin is without the marks and lines of time, his eyes are big and innocent. He was just a boy, I think, just a boy; and I was just a girl, a young girl head-over-heels in love with this boy. He smiles at me knowingly. My heart breaks all over again and I remember.

     Princess Selene and my baby brother toss balls at each other in the background. They laugh and duck and jump and dive into the ball pit to come up again in different spots unpredictably. I glance to them and laugh, then look back to my first love; he had dropped the blue ball and is now holding his hand out to me. “Come play with us, Julie”, he says – using my nickname. I look at my hands; my knuckles are now white, strained from holding myself at the edge for so long – I can't recall how long I've been here. I look down at the distance between me and the swimming pool – at the distance I would have to jump – and a tremor runs through me. I seem to be higher up now, like the swimming pool is getting further and further away from me. I look back to my first love and reach for his hand, but his fingertips are just out of reach; I stretch as far as I can to him. I lower my body till it is flat against the board and I stretch both my arms toward him until I am sure they might dislocate at their joints; I spread my fingers and will them to touch his skin. The tip of the diving board sinks low under my weight; it bows. I feel myself sliding forward. I cry to my first love, “I can’t reach you! I can’t reach!”

     “You need to jump” he replies. “You need to jump, Juliet! Jump!”

     They chant in unison: “Jump!... Jump!... Jump!... Jump!”

     I grow very afraid and start to cry. I can feel the fever in my skin. My arms lay limp and dangle below me, hovering above the pit. “I’m scared” I say softly to myself. Then I hear my baby brother’s voice float up to me, “It’s okay to be scared, Julie. I was scared too.”

     “How did you do it?” I ask him. “How did you jump?”

     He replies, “I just closed my eyes, Julie. I thought of mommy and daddy. I thought of how much I missed them, how much I wished I could give them one last hug. I just closed my eyes and thought of their faces and their warm embrace, and I took one big jump. Think of mommy and daddy, Julie. Think of me, too.”

     I wipe the tears from my eyes and take a little time to collect myself. Once my tears stop and my throat softens, I become very quiet. I lay with my cheek to the diving board and my legs stretched out behind me. I can’t hear my baby brother anymore, or Princess Selene, or my first love. I can’t hear anything but my own breathing which grows steadier as I continue. I can’t feel the sun heat my skin or the wind cool my face; everything is still.

     After some time – I’m not quite sure how much time had passed – I decide to stand up. At least I can stand, I think, At least I can take the first step: stand. I bring my hands to the board and push myself back to my knees. Kneeling, I feel depleted, as if all my energy has seeped, taking with it my color. I drag my right foot underneath my body, place it flat on the board, and my left foot follows as I stand. I look out to the swimming pool once more and let my gaze fall on the plastic balls; their colors are dimmer now the sun is gone. The children have left; Called home for supper, I think. I take slow steps forward, one foot in front of the other, all the way to the very edge of the diving board, where my knuckles once gripped so tightly. The tip of the board dips. I rotate my body so my back is facing the pool, and I am facing where I had once come from. I slip my heels past the edge of the board and take a sharp breath; then exhale slowly and lift my arms to balance myself. I close my eyes and remember what my baby brother said to me: Think of mommy and daddy…think of all the people I love…and all the people who loved me who are not here anymore. "Think of mommy and daddy, Julie. Think of me, too."

     I lift my body and press down on the diving board with all my weight – my stomach flips; the board vibrates and makes a wooden sound. I feel the wave of motion propelling my body to lift again and move with it; it helps me. The hardest part is over, I think. I repeat the motion until I feel the balls of my feet lift into the air, until my body is airborne, hovering over the diving board, hovering at the edge of the pool. And then I am jumping, jumping high, jumping higher, higher still. My eyes shoot open and I laugh and cry out with glee! Jump Juliet! Jump fearlessly and carefree; jump with all your might, with all your love; Jump! My feet hit the board one last time; as I lift, I push my body backwards as hard as I can, far out over the lip of the board. For a second, I am floating above the swimming pool; I think of mommy and daddy and my baby brother; then my body stiffens and I dive straight into the bright and colorful bottomless pit.